How Do You Talk So Much?

Believe it or not, I get asked that a ton! Especially, after The Chaos episode, which ran over 30 minutes. The answer in all honesty is that I love conversation and gaining knowledge through hearing people talk. Then, I love to apply that knowledge when I talk! My parents always say I have the gift of gab, and that I could argue with a stop sign on why it didn't say stop. Growing up, I always kinda felt over-talked, and maybe it's because I'm only 4'11 and 1/2 (never forget the half). Or maybe it was because I never had anything worth listening to. I've never really asked to be honest. To hear some people say it, I never shut up. Others say I'm reserved and closed off guess it depends on when and where you meet me.

As I kept growing up, I realized how superficial conversations could get, especially when I hit my junior year in high school. It felt like everyone talked about nothing worthwhile. Why were people hiding so much? Why were people scared of the real version of themselves? Did people not know that what they were scared of could possibly help someone else feel seen? Someone like me...

By asking those questions I was able to question myself. Was I being superficial? Was I simply going through the motions and not being present in the conversations I was having? The answer was yes. (now this isn't to say that you have to have deep conversations every time you talk, I'm just referring to that side of it.) Over the course of my junior and senior years of high school, I watched the way people handled the conversations around them. I watched how I approached it, and I made it a point to try to dive deeper. To help people feel seen in their struggles, and to be brutally honest with my own so they might begin to understand that struggles run in cycles, non of them are brand new just the people involved are new. I wanted to try and help eradicate the fear of opinion. However, I first had to do it myself, and that is way easier said than done. Even now I struggle with control and making sure I look alright to people who I don't even know. I also sometimes fumble my words or say the wrong thing, heck, even sometimes I lie about things that are so incredibly dumb. I'm a work in progress, and so are you! On my journey, especially in college, I started to grow into myself. The version that I was, was not the version people wanted. In doing that I lost people I thought would be around for a lifetime, and for a while that rattled me. Who was I without them? It reminds me of a Tony Stark quote - "If you're nothing without the suit, then you shouldn't have it.." The same goes with people, if we define our worth and value based on the people who choose to be around us, then we will never be satisfied with who we are. And news flash, YOU ARE WORTH BEING SATISFIED WITH YOURSELF. (Was satisfied with the wrong word there....)

Here are some things I like/love that I have recently realized as a senior in college: I like a deep conversation that challenges me. I like meaningful connections.

I love intentionality in friendships and relationships.

I love Jesus.

I love sunsets and stargazing, and nature in general.

I like control, but I'm willing to give it up once I feel safe.

I love movies and going to the movie theatre. RomComs are my favorite. I downright am obsessed with my cat named Gus.

Those are all small things I have slowly begun to learn about myself and a lot of them I found while talking. I found myself excited about going to the movies and being able to tell people about it. I found myself downright giddy when talking about nature and my urge to travel and I mean don't even get me started on my cat, he's the actual best. So all of this to say, I talk that much, because each time I talk I learn something new about myself or someone else. It puts a smile on my face when I'm able to learn. Now, not everything I say is groundbreaking, some of it is just dumb. But I urge you to talk passionately about things you love because I guarantee one day you'll have a conversation with someone who lights up just as much as you! And even if you don't, you still may be teaching people about something new that one day they could fall in love with as well! Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game - Babe Ruth :)