The Vulnerable Vision

This is the episode where I finally started to get a game plan for podcasting. I wrote an intro, I started sound buffering and I even wrote a rough script. The big topic of this episode was: The biggest Struggles of College. My biggest struggle as I say in the episode is contentment and friendship oh and don't forget the loneliness! My entire life I always have felt lonely because I had the expectation of myself not to be. I believed that everyone was supposed to have a friend group that they could call up and do anything with! Of course, I think that is true for some people, but growing up I realized that I was not a part of some people. I was the floater. I would meet people, make an impact and then they'd walk away, or sometimes I would, and in college that only amplified. I had a golf scholarship and I thought yes, this is it, the time where my teammates become my family, and of no one's fault that just wasn't the case. Everyone was friendly, of course, but I wouldn't consider those connections the ones I was looking for and some of that is my fault.

Going into college I was terrified of letting myself down or getting caught up in something awful and it wasn't until the end of my freshman year that I realized I needed to make decisions for myself, even bad ones. However my entire freshman year I declined experiences due to fear. I don't recommend that to anyone. Be smart and know your comfort levels, but don't be scared. To wrap up this section, let it be known that I have made lifelong friends in college, they just aren't a group that all hangs out together. I'm more of a one on one connection styled individual. I enjoy the ability to dig deep over the course of a long period of time with someone and so far it hasn't let me down. That doesn't have to be you, and if you have a large group of friends that's fantastic! But what do I do on the nights when I cry myself to sleep? What do I do when everyone I text or snap leaves me on read? To be honest, I haven't found an answer to that. My mind is a tricky place full of blame and critiques a lot more than it is a place of light and optimism. (shocking I know). On those days I have literally no one (even the people who say they will be the one to answer or the one that will drop everything) I find myself playing the blame game. I blame it on myself, and I critique my way of text or the way I approached them. I think I am the problem, and on some days that's true, of course, but most of the time no one is the problem it's just not a good time for the other person.

I always have to remind myself people were not put on earth to go by my agenda of mental health and no one and I mean NO ONE is required to be there on the days I feel my lowest. Someone has to choose to be there, they should never feel required to be. That's something I struggle with a lot, not passing judgments on people who simply have a different schedule than me. The fact is, they can still be a great friend even if they don't pick up the phone that one time or even multiple times. I'll wrap this section with something someone told me my sophomore year that I believe is true no matter the lifestyle you live...People have time for the things they make time for. Remember that you choose a busy lifestyle and you always have the ability to change the pace you run life at. Next in this episode I talked about relationship advice, and I'm not going to recap it, but I will re-iterate that you cannot date the expectation of a person, you have to date the present version with all of its flaws. Some flaws sure, you do not have to date and you can decline a relationship or even end one over it. Flaws do not have to be universally accepted. Also, please never stay in a relationship out of fear of never finding someone else, there are 7 BILLION people, I promise if you feel like he isn't the one, he isn't, trust your gut and your heart will reward you and so will the universe if you are patient enough. (still trying to convince myself of this even a year post-breakup)

This goes for those people who have been dating forever and "it just makes sense," no, if that's your reason for marriage or sticking around, then you are with the wrong one. Lastly, I talked about fitness. My journey with fitness is ever-changing and I sometimes take a few weeks off to make sure I'm not getting into a toxic mindset when it comes to my goals. It's so easy to get addicted to fitness, but just make sure that addiction is a healthy one that is fed with the correct mindset. Do it for yourself!!!! I recommend that you hit nutrition before you hit the gym because how you fuel your body will greatly impact the way fitness affects it. To round out this post, I want to say, this episode is the one where I thought to myself: "Maybe this could really be something" and it's truly when I got serious about my podcast and the vision I wanted for it. It's also the episode people reached out after and sent super sweet uplifting messages :) so if that was you, thank you.

Thank you for listening and remember you are meant 2B here and you are meant 2B happy. xoxo Bella Grace